Now I wouldn’t say I’m a good driver. I would say I’m a safe driver. I would say I’m a careful driver. I will claim to have never gotten in an accident or gotten a speeding ticket, although that would not be entirely accurate. I have gotten one speeding ticket, but it wasn’t my fault and I went to court and fought it and it got dismissed. So, does that really count? I don’t think so.
I also got a ticket for not stopping completely at a stop sign, but I’m pretty sure I did stop completely at the stop sign. The cop was rude and said he got it on dash cam so I can go ahead and try to go to court and fight it if I want to. Did that intimidate me? Absolutely. But, I still went to court and fought it and got that one dismissed too. So neither counts.
I’m actually not supporting my point very well at all, am I?
I also cannot say that I’ve never gotten into an accident because I actually did get into one right when I got my license.
I got my license right when I turned 16. Of course I was a confident, know at all, nothing could hurt me, life is roses and sunshine, and everything always works out for me kind of teenager. That was the life I led.
I was driving to work a couple of days after I got my license, and I was turning left onto a pretty busy road. Even today Brita, with nearly 36 years of driving experience, would never even attempt to make a left like that. I would never even dream of trying to make that kind of a left! Honestly, I would make a right and left or then a U-turn to get on that road instead of attempting to make a left. I guess I’ve learned my limitations. Obviously, when I was 16, I did not know my limitations.
So, for some reason, I made a left onto that busy road with multiple lanes of traffic, and I only looked left to make sure no cars were coming that way.
Why didn’t I look right to also make sure no traffic was coming from that direction, too? I’m sure they taught that in Drivers Ed. Why wouldn’t I also look to the right? I don’t know! Maybe I just figured everything would be fine? Maybe I just figured everything would work out? Because it usually does. And also, I just got my driver’s license, and doesn’t that mean I know everything about driving?
Well, as you can imagine, it did not work out. It wasn’t fine. Luckily, it wasn’t a terrible accident, but I did get hit by a car that was coming from the right that I pulled out right in front of.
Thankfully, the damage was minimal, and he was a very nice man. He said not to worry because it was a company car and it was a really crappy company car and he had been asking them to get him a better one, so I actually did him a favor. I love people like that who will lie to make you feel better. Like my brother who always eats what I make for dinner and says that it was good.
But, it was just a little dent and no one was hurt and no one was upset. Not even my mother. She actually blamed herself because she told me to go that way to work. Mommy always makes me feel better. And isn’t it like a mother to take the blame off her child?
But, to my poor little 16-year-old self who everything always worked out for, that accident was the end of the world.
Seriously, you would have thought my dog died or something. I could not have imagined anything worse happening to me. I think I locked myself in my bedroom and cried for a whole week. My mother kept trying to reassure me that it was fine, and that it wasn’t even a big deal and that’s what insurance is for. But still, I felt like it was the worst possible thing that I could ever happen to me.
Pfft! Little did I know about the other worse possible things. I wish that little accident was the worst possible thing that could happen to me now, because the actual worst possible thing JUST HAPPENED! But I’ll get to that in a little bit.
After that accident, I proclaimed I was never ever going to drive again! I was going to walk everywhere for the rest of my life! And I was absolutely serious! If you know me now, you know I can be just a little dramatic. Just a little.
Somehow, I eventually got over the terrible trauma of my early-days driving accident. I stopped crying. I left my room. I ate some food. I went back to work. And, maybe biggest of all, I drove again, which was the scariest thing ever.
Since then, and probably because of that, I have become a very very careful driver. I will look over my shoulder four times before I switch lanes. I will keep such a distance between my car and the car in front of me that other cars just cut in front of me. They think that’s an open space and just not the (well, my) proper following distance! Then, I have to back up to keep that far of a distance from the new car in front of me and then another car just cuts in front of me! Again! So rude! Don’t people know about the five second rule? When the car in front of you goes, you count to five before you go!
Maybe that’s not the rule. There’s some rule about some seconds you’re supposed to count in regard to the car ahead of you. For me, it’s five seconds. Then you go.
I also barely drive the speed limit. Sometimes on car rides, my son will sigh, look at the speedometer, look at me, and ask, “Can we at least go the speed limit?” And he says it in a very annoyed tone. Teenage tone? Maybe I should just say teenage tone. It’s understood that that tone would be classified as annoyed.
When that happens, I never even realize I wasn’t going the speed limit. I didn’t even notice. I thought I was zipping along at about the same speed as all of the other cars. I guess I should’ve noticed all of the other cars passing me. Sometimes I’m in my own little world while I drive. I just do what felt comfortable. Which is slow. Slow feels comfortable to me. But, on longer car trips, now I set cruise control so I will at least go the speed limit. I even sometimes set it for four miles per hour over the speed limit. Look at me! Such a rebel!
Also, apparently, I’m a terrible judge of when I can make a right. I wait until I have plenty of room and I make a right and still that car that’s coming from the left speeds up and winds up right against my bumper! Why do people do that?!? Why don’t they just slow down and let people make their right turn?! Wouldn’t that make the most sense? Are they going to hit me? Are they trying to prove a point? What would that point even be? I’ve never understood that but I will say that it does scare me.
Also, I hit curbs. And run over curbs. I heard that my dad runs over curbs a lot, too. I think it’s probably hereditary and I probably got it from him.
A friend of mine saw me once and said, “Poor curb.”
Poor curb??? That’s the curb’s fricking job! He would be so bored if people like me didn’t bump him and run over him. That curb might be out of a job if it weren’t for me!
And, can we talk about parking? I have been called a terrible parker a time or two. I will pull in and then do the little reverse and straighten out move multiple times. Sometimes I even open the door while I’m parking so I can see where the line is.
And, I never back into parking spots. I don’t understand how people do that. It makes me nervous.
Parking has always made me nervous for some reason. I’m like my mom and I usually pick a parking spot with no cars on either side of me, so I won’t have to worry about parking well. But somehow, I got away from that healthy and safe habit, and I got overly confident in my parking abilities. I started to choose spots between two cars. And I always just zip right in there perfectly with no problem.
Until last week. I was just zipping along doing my normal Brita driving, going back to the grocery store because I had forgotten taco seasoning. And, wouldn’t you know it? I pulled into a parking spot, and I hit the car beside me while I was parking. A parked car. It didn’t fly out in front of me. It didn’t grow an arm that it stuck in my path. I just hit a parked car. I couldn’t believe it! I heard a little crunch. It took me a second to figure out what happened.
How did that even happen? Was I rushing? Was I not paying attention? I wish I could rewind my life 10 seconds. Like push a little rewind button and see myself backing up and getting another try. But unfortunately, life doesn’t come with rewind buttons. Mistakes can’t be easily rewound and undone.
My first thought was, “Geez, I guess I really am terrible at parking. How did I not know that? Why did I think I could park? And why didn’t I pick one of those parking spaces with no cars on either side?” There were actually plenty of them around.
My next thought was, “Oh no! Am I losing my mind? Is this part of growing old? Am I going to be sent to old people’s home soon by my kids? Will they take away my license for something like this?”
I imagined the DMV saying something like, “We do not believe she is in the right state of mind to be able to operate or motor vehicle.”
My next thought was that I’m really glad I haven’t bought a new car yet. Which I had been thinking about doing.
The next thought was even, “What am I going to make for dinner?” I think this thought is just a constant in my mind, so that’s why it showed up. Get out of here dinner thought! This isn’t the time!
I was also thinking, “Am I dressed appropriately to have a conversation with a real person about hitting their car?” Those of you who know me know that I constantly just wear pajamas. I have at-home pajamas. Work pajamas. Going out pajamas. I even have different pajamas for bed that are different than the ones I wear around the house. “Do I have time to run home and put on real clothes and then come back and deal with it? It’s really close!”
But, don’t worry. I turned into a normal person pretty quickly and I had all of the normal person thoughts after that.
“Oh no! I just hit somebody’s car! I hope they are not going to be too mad at me! I hope it’s not going to cost me too much to fix! I hope my insurance is not going to go up too much! What do I do now?? How could I’ve been so stupid??”
So I pulled into to a different spot and rummaged through my car to find something to write a note on. I discovered I should really keep a notepad in my car for instances like this. The only paper I had was from my son’s last physical, so I had to use that. At this point, I didn’t mind that the stranger had my son’s height and weight and pulse and blood pressure. I just wanted to get this note written.
How do you begin a note like this? To whom it may concern? Dear black Jeep owner? Just, “Good afternoon?” Then, I decided the note did not need a greeting. I should just apologize. I should probably apologize profusely just so he/she knows how sorry I am. Should I give him/her some background about how I’m really a sweet person and I typically don’t crash into other people’s cars? What information should I include? Obviously, my name and my phone number, but does he/she need my last name? My email address? My insurance info now, or just wait for when he/she calls me? I’m not really sure of the proper etiquette for leaving a note saying I accidentally just hit your parked car.
Should I write down my blog website in case he/she wants to read my blog so he/she can get to know me a little better? I’m sure he/she wouldn’t be so mad at me after he/she read my blog? He/she will realize what a mess I am and probably just feel sorry for me.
Am I overthinking this? Of course I am! Overthinking is my middle name! Not really. It’s Lynn.
So, I decide to just write a simple note that said, “I accidentally hit your car. I am so so sorry. Please call me and we can fix this.”
Then I just wrote my first name and my phone number.
My first instinct, of course was to panic and call Mommy. Was I absolutely harder on myself and I should’ve been? Yes, but that’s just who I am.
So, I spent the night overthinking it and feeling terrible. I spent the night feeling stupid and even crying a little bit. But only one night. Because life is short and, as you age, you get a better understanding about what’s a big deal and what’s not.
But, I also learned that it’s OK to make a big deal out of little things. Just not for too long. Just for one night.
I think I was getting too cocky and comfortable, and I needed the universe to knock me down a notch and say, “Look Brita, you can still make mistakes, so… pay attention.”
So, now I pay attention. And I also find a parking spot far at the back where there are no cars on either side of me.
You have to be careful parking, people. It’s not as easy as you think it is. Take it from me. I learned my lesson the hard way, so you don’t have to!
Also, I’m absolutely not going to tell my kids about this little accident. I’m going to continue telling them I’m a perfect driver with a perfect driving record. At the same time, if you see me driving, stay out of my way. And, if you see me parking, definitely stay out of my way! But, if you see my kids around, please keep my little secret.
And yeah, I was thinking I need a new car, but now I’m thinking I should hold off. I have a feeling there might be a few more surprise bumps in the road. Or on the curb. But at least I can blame my dad for those.
Cooking Failures 